


Call Me Friend But Keep Me Closer

by SilverServerError



Category: CLAMP - Works, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, KuroFai Olympics, KuroFai Olympics 2019, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, NSFN, Violence, War, dub-con, political prisoner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 15:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20360635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverServerError/pseuds/SilverServerError
Summary: There is a song, millennia old, that lilts gently through the universe. Not quite audible to the ear. Something that pulls at a place much deeper. A melody that starts in the brainstem and winds down the spine like luscious ivy. A harmony raised by a hundred thousand hands at any moment. A chorus that bleeds through the stars.Fai can hear it.Fai can never not hear it.It is beauty. It is life. It is the comfort of every brother and sister he has never met and will never know the face of.And it steadies him, even as it grows fainter, as his ship carries him towards something new. Towards the pulse of noise that cried out like a scream on the edge of their perception. Chaotic. Angry. Thrashing like an animal.Discordant.Fai does not know what he will find at the end of this journey, but he knows the song must remain. There is no room for howling in space.





	Call Me Friend But Keep Me Closer

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Long time no see. :) I'm happy to be joining in another Kurofai Olympics this year. Life has very suddenly and dramatically become unbelievably chaotic, so for the sake of somewhat reasonable logistics and preemptive mental health strategies, I have the double honor of posting both late and incomplete. ^^' So many apologies to my team. 
> 
> That said, lets dig into things a little bit. 
> 
> I was given the prompt 'spy' for Team Space, and after a few false starts, decided to go with my first instinct of writing something a bit more serious. Though it never goes away, there are some generational traumas that have been particularly tender for me lately, many to do with imperialism and being a Native American descendant. I decided to let this work explore some of these feelings, and I hope I've handled them with nuance and sensitivity. It isn't meant to be an allegory for any one historical or cultural experience, but more a reflection of the human tendencies that supposedly lead to them. As I was writing, I started to see news stories that were uncomfortably close to what I already had written, but with not enough time for me to write about something else. For that reason I want to give a warning to people who may already carry similar burdens, or those wishing for an escape from the harshness of the current world news, this may not be a story you wish to read right now or ever.
> 
> I also want to give an explicit warning, that while there is no forced or violent sexual content, the prompt is 'spy' and some characters may eventually be acting under false pretenses. For this reason, I want to tag dub-con to be on the safe side. 
> 
> As I was working, I realized I wouldn't be able to finish this story with just an extra day, so I'm making the call to post this as a part one of two, hopefully to be finished by Sunday night. I did my best with cleaning up part one, but I am in a little bit of a rush and there may be a few typos here and there. 
> 
> Finally, the brain function described in the story is a real one, the disorder of which can sometimes cause a type of epilepsy. I didn't want to have it sneak up on anyone for whom it might be painful topic. 
> 
> So, if you're still around after all that, I wish you luck and hope you enjoy the story.

There is a song, millennia old, that lilts gently through the universe. Not quite audible to the ear. Something that pulls at a place much deeper. A melody that starts in the brainstem and winds down the spine like luscious ivy. A harmony raised by a hundred thousand hands at any moment. A chorus that bleeds through the stars.    
  
Fai can hear it.    
  
Fai can never not hear it. 

** **

It is beauty. It is life. It is the comfort of every brother and sister he has never met and will never know the face of. 

** **

And it steadies him, even as it grows fainter, as his ship carries him towards something new. Towards the pulse of noise that cried out like a scream on the edge of their perception. Chaotic. Angry. Thrashing like an animal.    
  
Discordant. 

** **

Fai does not know what he will find at the end of this journey, but he knows the song must remain. There is no room for howling in space. 

** **

* * *

** **

Kurogane was there when the stranger’s ship landed. 

** **

Watched this alien creature of blue skin and slight build grow weak under the pull of their gravity. Human, but a branch unlike any they’d crossed paths with in his lifetime. Watched him struggle under the weight of his own opulent robes. That delicacy spoke to something in him. Perhaps a vindication of his own harsh upbringing. The streamlined, utilitarian uniform hugging tight to his body. A pride in the honed muscle it covered. His branch ran their ship at a gravity far stronger than their ancestors had been built for. It caused a strain to the bone. Microfractures over every centimeter that healed to make it that much stronger. It was a painful childhood, but one that made every other branch seem as flimsy as tissue paper. This stranger more than most. 

** **

With his thin wrists and delicate features. Big blue eyes stupid and serene, with no idea the type of people he had just boarded the mothership of. Defenseless. His fate inevitable. 

** **

It all spoke to him, and the answer was a carnal growl from somewhere in his gut. 

** **

Karogane had been suspended after the last mission. The threat of his insubordination finally outweighing his effectiveness when it came to overpowering resistant planets. A craving for conflict… For battle... For  _ anything _ was driving him to a constant restlessness. His sword had gone so long without being activated, the hilt on his hip sat like a weighty reminder of all he was missing out on. 

** **

So when days later he was assigned to guard the stranger, he welcomed the distraction with eager curiosity. As he typed the keycode into the lock, he had to smirk. His assignment had come during such a stern meeting. His higher ups thought this was supposed to be a punishment. Keeping a straight face as he found out his good fortune had been the only hard part. 

** **

With a hiss, the wavering red forcefield forming the cell door fell. On the floor, Fai startled, moving back against the wall and looking up with wide eyes, chain shifting with a few audible clinks, for the most part muffled by the fabric of his clothes. 

** **

“Ambassador Flourite,” Kurogane smiled, reaching down to the collar, thin and tight around his neck. Fai flinched, then slowly dared to look up when all that happened was that the metal clicked open and his chains fell away. “Looks like you’ve earned yourself a longer leash.” 

** **

Fai looked up at him, wary, a hand rubbing at the visible purple bruising from the collar. There were matching rings around his wrists, even if they weren’t bound at the moment. He asked something, gibberish to Kurogane, in a voice that was dry and rasping. 

** **

Kurgoane raised an eyebrow, almost disappointed. This man, existing impossible and ethereal, had been exciting. Like a gazelle being stalked by a lion, he couldn’t look away. Now that the interrogators had worked him over, it made him uncomfortable to look at more than anything. Still, he had a job to do. “Get up.” He ordered, gesturing he should follow when he obviously didn’t understand. “You’re too boring to imprison. Too interesting to let go. I’m moving you to the guest rooms for now.” 

** **

Fai hesitated, visibly trying to steel himself, then moving to comply, leaning heavily on the wall. If he’d been unsteady at his arrival, walking was totally impossible now. Kurogane moved to wrap a supportive hand around his waist to help, but Fai pulled back, crying out a frightened noise he quickly tried to hush. 

** **

Not that there was anywhere to pull back to. There they were, Fai with his back to the wall, Kurogane frozen with a hand almost to his side. 

** **

He frowned at first, then softened a little, watching the way Fai’s chest rose and fell under his robes.

** **

Actually, this wasn’t the same feeling as battle at all.    
  
“Hey,” he tried again, this time softer, and slowly moved the touch to his shoulder instead. Fai’s body stiffened as they made contact, then started to relax when Kurogane traced gently up and down. “You’re getting a rest now,” He knew Fai probably couldn’t understand, but maybe the softer tone would speak for him. “Whatever you said, it was enough to convince them to keep you around.” 

** **

Gradually, Fai looked up from under his blonde hair, irises huge and blue, brow uncertain, and his under eyes bruised to a deep purple, more likely from a lack of sleep than a punch if he had to guess. Kuroagne moved his other hand to brush the hair back. To trace his fingertips down along that delicate jaw in curiosity. Fai swallowed, still like cornered prey, then very, very slowly raised his own hand, brushing the backs of his knuckles lightly along Kurogane’s cheek, expression unsure. 

** **

The touch raised goosebumps along the back of Kurogane’s neck, and he couldn’t help smiling. Fai smiled back in reflex, laughing nervously. As different as the generations had shaped them, they were still both human enough to understand this little truce. 

** **

Fai seemed to relax a little. Let more of his tiredness and physical vulnerabilities show as he inspected Kurogane, staring hard at his face and trying to puzzle something out. He asked something again, new this time, and Kurgoane shook his head with a little shrug. Fai frowned, obviously frustrated, but too weak to make much of a fuss. Instead, he put a hand to his chest. “Fai. Fai D.Flourite.” 

** **

The accent was off from what his superiors had been using but it was clear enough. “Fai Flourite,” Kurogane confirmed. 

** **

The blonde seemed to light up a little, and his face was so different with a spark of joy in it. He pressed the same hand to Kurogane’s chest and waited expectantly. 

** **

“Me?” He glanced down at the thin hand, noticing for the first time the metal across the back of his hand and elegantly articulated up to two fingertips. “Uh… Kurogane.” 

** **

His superiors had also described this device, and the way their guest had quickly lost any coherence without it. They hadn’t been able to figure out what it did, but they were also too scared of him dying to take it away for any length of time. If it was on now, he couldn’t feel anything coming from it. 

** **

The hand itself, though. Kurogane was certainly feeling that. 

** **

“Kuro,” Fai tried to say, the syllable coming out strange and soft in his mouth. “Kuro Gane.” He smiled, beaming up hopefully at him. 

** **

“Kurogane,” he corrected, taken aback. He didn’t even look at people he’d known his whole life that way. No one here did. 

** **

“Kuro Gane.” 

** **

“No, it’s just one-” But at the correction, Fai’s expression grew confused. A little disappointed. Kurogane stopped himself, wanting to see that brighter look again. “‘Kuro’,” he nodded. “‘Kuro’ is fine.” and Fai smiled even wider. 

** **

* * *

** **

“Kuro-pu?” 

** **

“What now?”

** **

Fai seemed to wait for the little group to pass them in the hall, and Kurogane did the same, acting natural until they fell out of earshot. 

** **

Technically, Kurogane was supposed to be keeping a constant guard on Fai. In the beginning, he’d insisted Fai walk in front while he loomed behind, but their guest never seemed to be looking for an exit, and it didn’t take long for them to build up a trust. Fai wasn’t about to go bolting anywhere, and even if he did, where would he bolt to? He didn’t have the access to open any doors, and the mothership was a closed system. So these days Kurogane took up his characteristic stalking instead, while Fai tended to bounce along behind him, piping up with questions almost constantly. 

** **

“People look you not.” 

** **

“What?” Kurogane paused, turning back to try and reason out what Fai was trying to say. 

** **

The blonde frowned, miming his hands passing in the opposite directions, trying to push the meaning along. “You go. They look you not. Why?” 

** **

He shrugged. “It’s their business where they look. I don’t give a damn.” 

** **

Fai frowned, clearly frustrated with the lack of clear answer. “They look Fai.” 

** **

“Tch. You look weird. Who wouldn’t stare at you?” 

** **

“‘Weird’?” Fai asked, starting to walk again, Kurogane falling into step at his side. Fai had a tendency to walk too slow for him, but he was gradually learning to compensate. 

** **

“‘Weird’ is… strange? Odd. Different?” Kurogane tried a few words until he got to one it looked like Fai recognized.

** **

Fai seemed to contemplate this, walking a few moments in silence but for the hum of the engines that reverberated through the whole station. “Kuro-pu look afraid.” 

** **

He frowned. “Bullshit I do.”

** **

“The people. They look Kuro Gane. They look afraid.” Fai’s gaze slid over to him, that almost constant smile gone for them moment. Something a little more wary. “Why?” 

** **

Kurogane slowed to a stop, Fai doing the same. He glanced back to find the corridor deserted while his hand drifted to the hilt at is side. He could probably get away with showing off a little. If he was quick about it. “I’m a soldier.” 

** **

Fai looked at him with those big, blue eyes, obviously not understanding. Waiting with a touch of trepidation for more. 

** **

Kurogane kind of liked this expression.

** **

He smirked, pulling the hilt from his hip. Fai stepped back in surprise as Kurogane went through the motions of drawing and activating his blade, a meter length of bright red energy phasing into visibility and giving off a radiant heat. 

** **

It felt right in his hand. Alive in a chaotic sort of way he had trained his whole life to understand and control. The intensity of the light burned curves of green afterimages into his retinas, and yet he found himself as always seduced to keep looking, heart pounding with the power in his palms. He only looked away when Fai cried out, backed up to the wall once more, squinting against the light and holding his hand with the device to his temple. 

** **

“Fai? You okay?” He was hard to make out, blue not standing out well against the glowing green streaks left floating across his eyes. 

** **

“No!” Fai groaned, gesturing down with his other hand, as if to push his sword away but clearly too afraid to get anywhere near touching it. 

** **

Kurogane clicked it off, moving closer and watching from an angle to try and compensate for the slowly fading stain to his vision. Against the wall, Fai gradually relaxed. “What that?” he frowned. 

** **

Kurogane wasn’t sure how else to explain, but he did his best. “Strangers. People,” he gestured vaguely down the hall. “I,” and he moved a hand from his chest then to the hilt, which he gripped in two hands and thrust towards the imaginary people he’d established. “I kill. Solider. Strong soldier.” 

** **

“Afraid soldier?” Fai asked, frowning. 

** **

Kurogane opened his mouth, then stumbled over what to say. Fai had gotten the words wrong, but he knew what he meant. “I- Yes. Scary,” he nodded. He waited for Fai to agree, but to his confusion, Fai just looked a little cagey. “I am good at making strangers afraid.” 

** **

“Strange like Fai?” 

** **

Ah. Of course. 

** **

“No,” Kurogane was quick to say, and Fai seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, at last moving closer. “Not Fai.” he reached out to nudge a fist against Fai’s shoulder, knocking him off balance a little, but in a way that was familiar and made him smile. “You may be strange, but you’re not a stranger.” 

** **

Fai seemed to think on this for a while and Kurogane let him. As much as the language barrier could be frustrating, experience had shown sometimes it was better to just let Fai observe a pattern a few times than to constantly try to explain new concepts. After a while, he perked up again, waiting for Kurogane’s expectant expression before trying out another new combination. “Kuro-pu scary.” 

** **

“Right.” 

** **

But then Fai tilted his head a little, hands on both hips, weight shifted to the side as he grinned. “Kuro-pu… Scaaaary~.” 

** **

Kurogane barked a little laugh, caught off guard but finding it endearing nonetheless. “Yeah,” he nodded, stepping closer, liking the way it made Fai’s neck crane back to hold his gaze. “That’s right.” He smirked, letting his hand fall on Fai’s shoulder. To his immense satisfaction, Fai just leaned in all the closer. “I’m very… very-” 

** **

The sound of footsteps interrupted them, and with a gasp, Kurogane just barely pushed back on Fai fast enough to keep from being caught. Fai didn’t dare do anything but follow his lead, only giving into the giggling after the little group of Kurogane’s branchmates had turned the next corner. 

** **

“Very scary,” Fai smiled behind a hand.

** **

Of all their communication challenges, of course Fai had picked up on sarcasm right away. “Shut up, Idiot.” He growled, stalking off at his normal pace.

** **

Fai trailed behind, still cackling to himself. “Strong soldier!” 

** **

* * *

** **

“Kuro-pu!” 

** **

Most days Kurogane wasn’t surprised to find himself waking up in Fai’s quarters anymore, but every once in a while it would still catch him off guard to be lying on a settee so soft compared to the bunks he’d known all his life. None of his branchmates, even those at the very top, would ever be caught doing anything to seem so weak or frivolous, but here guarding the outsider, he could excuse it as a regrettable necessity. There was a similar disorientation now as he tried to place the soft padding below him. “Mmm... “ It was too dark to be morning, so Fai probably needed him for something. He did his best to sit up and wake more fully. “What is it?” 

** **

“Kuro-pu, I’m afraid.” 

** **

And that certainly got the job done. “What is it? What happened?” 

** **

“My metal,” Fai said, sitting close at his side, laying the hand with the machine across his lap and looking up in concern. “It’s too quiet. It kills.”

** **

Kurogane almost pushed the hand off his thigh in reflex. Instead he froze, like someone who had just accidentally caught a bomb, timer still ticking. “Kills who?” 

** **

Fai huffed, frustrated, gesturing to the band of silver. “Metal!” 

** **

Kurogane took a deep breath, holding his hand by the wrist gently. “‘Dies’,” he corrected, voice very intentional. “The metal  _ dies _ .” 

** **

But Fai wasn’t having it. “Kuro-pu! Not time for words! Metal!” 

** **

Kurogane did his best to shake off the scare and turn to the matter at hand, moving Fai’s wrist to get the machine to his ear. He had never noticed any noise coming from the device, but he also didn’t for a moment doubt the seriousness in Fai’s expression. “Quiet?” 

** **

“Not here,” Fai touched the shell of Kurogane’s ear, then tapped between his eyes instead. “Here. In. Inside.” 

** **

Kurogane frowned. “Quiet?”

** **

“Yes!”

** **

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

** **

Fai’s distress was obvious as he tried and failed to find the words. “The- The…” He pulled his hands away, barreling on in a language Kurogane couldn’t understand.    
  
“Fai! Fai, shut up.” Kurogane reached for his hands, doing his best to try and focus him. “How do I help you?” 

** **

Fai took a few breaths, looking into Kurogane’s stern expression until he could think a little more clearly. “Person? You have person that knows metal?” Kurogane frowned, and Fai tried again. “Words in the metal. Thoughts. Numbers.” Fai nodded hopefully, as if willing it to be true might help.    
  
And like a miracle, relief washed over Kurogane. “Yes! Tomoyo!” 

** **

“We go?” Fai asked, then a little more urgently. “We go now?” 

** **

* * *

** **

As much as it seemed a life threatening issue, Fai had calmed down within minutes of speaking to Tomoyo, and Kurogane took his cue to do the same. Or maybe ‘calm’ was the wrong way to describe the delighted way Fai kept drawing wave after wave on Tomoyo’s worktop, who then quickly worked out an equation for each one before they moved on to the next. 

** **

Actually, he was maybe a little jealous of how well they were communicating without even having more than a few handfuls of common words between them. Fai never got this excited for him.

** **

Kurogane had drifted after a while, bored enough to wander. While Tomoyo was the closest thing he had to a friend, he wasn’t totally comfortable being in her workshop without some task or mission to do. Eventually he’d gotten fed up, and decided to order them a round of rations just to feel useful, standard for Tomoyo, basic for himself, and sweet for Fai who seemed to be sensitive to anything else. When it came, he unpacked it all a little and brought it to the worktop on a tray. 

** **

“Oh, good idea, Kurogane. I hadn’t realized how long we’d been working.” 

** **

As always, her smile left him feeling a little disarmed. There weren’t many in his branch that treated him this way, and he was never completely sure how he was supposed to respond. “You should pay more attention. It’s important to stop and refuel sometimes.” She gave him a thankful smile and he looked away, grasping for safer territory. “Can you understand any of this nonsense?” 

** **

“Mmm!” she assented around a bite of fried protein. “Fai’s showing me the waveform his device emits. You can add up simple periodic ones to build the one he wants that’s more complex” 

** **

“Waves?” Kurogane asked, looking over at Fai, then his hand doubtfully. 

** **

“In the electromagnetic field.”

** **

“Right.” Kurogane knew what electricity was, and knew what magnets were. He nodded, waiting for this to at some point make sense. “And he needs the waves why?” 

** **

“Because…” and Tomoyo hesitated, looking back at Fai with a sheepish smile. “You know, I’m not really sure I know yet. I was so excited we’d figured it out at all that I didn’t stop to ask. Why  _ do  _ you need this, Fai?” 

** **

Fai looked back at them, surprised to suddenly be the center of attention again. “Yes?” 

** **

Tomoyo glanced at Kurogane for help translating. He had a knack for it now after so much practice together. Kurogane picked up Fai’s hand, pointing to the metal across his palm and tracing up to his fingertips. “Why?” 

** **

Fai nodded, holding the fingers to his temple. “Makes inside good, Kuro-pu.” 

** **

Tomoyo almost dropped her slice of bread, recovering at the last moment with a big grin on her face. “‘Kuro-pu’?”. 

** **

Kurogane felt his cheeks get hot with embarrassment, a feeling he hated maybe more than anything. When he spoke it was with a bit of a bite. “It’s ‘Kurogane”, Fai.” 

** **

“Tch!” Fai scoffed, borrowing one of his own nosies of annoyance, then melting against the table in a pout. “Kuro Gane hard in mouth!” 

** **

Tomoyo gasped, both hands going to hide a wide grin. She stared at Kurogane in glee. 

** **

“That’s not what he means,” Kurogane grit out, glaring angrily at them both but not quite able to blame either one.

** **

“Sure.” 

** **

“He just means it’s hard to say.” 

** **

“I don’t doubt it.” 

** **

Fai looked at them in confusion, waiting for an explanation, but Kurogane offered no help. “It’s ‘Kurogane’ from now on,” was all he said, arms crossed and chest a little puffed. 

** **

Fai just let out a long frustrated groan. “‘Kuro’,” he eventually offered, explaining by touching his own chest, then holding out a hand to Kurogane. “‘Kuro-pu.’ ‘Kuro Gane.’” Then he moved the hand to the middle. “‘Kuro.’ Yes?” 

** **

Kurogane nodded, rolling his eyes a bit, but not putting up any more of a fuss. 

** **

“Fai, can you explain more?” Tomoyo asked, then to clarify touched her own temple with the two fingers like Fai often did. “Good inside?” 

** **

Fai frowned, thinking, then pulled up a new blank window. He drew a curve that Tomoyo was familiar with, remembered from years ago in her studies. “Spike!” she smiled, giving Fai a word for the concept. Fai seemed to hesitate, drawing a rough sketch of a neuron and waiting for her to confirm. “Yes, exactly!” She glanced between the sketch and Kurogane, filling in the blanks for him. “I’m not sure how much biology was involved in your training, but all your nerves send signals, right? When a signal is sent by a neuron, it shows up as a tiny wave in this shape in the electromagnetic field.” 

** **

“So…” 

** **

“So… I’m not sure. Go on, Fai?” 

** **

He smiled, looking between them, then down again, drawing a quick cross section of a brain, then pointing near the center where it started to curl in on itself. “You,” Fai began drawing a series of lines in a constant pattern. “Spikes in you.” Then he drew another set of lines, spacing sporadic and random. “Spikes in me. Bad.” He gestured the device to his temple again, then drew another line of even spikes. “With metal, good.” 

** **

Tomoyo gasped. 

** **

Kurogane just squinted. “How though?” 

** **

“It gives off the signal!” Tomoyo explained, already pulling some tools off her shelves and cobbling together a workstation. “The neurons give off this field when they fire, but introducing a field can also make the neurons fire. It goes both ways. If the rhythms of his brain start to fall apart too much, he can reset them with the device on his hand.” 

** **

“Brains have rhythms?” 

** **

“Parts of them, yes. It’s really not my area but I believe so.” 

** **

Kurogane stared at Fai, then the strip of metal across his palm. It made him a little cold to contemplate Fai’s existence depending on something so seemingly delicate. “Is that… normal for you?” 

** **

Fai tilted his head, unfamiliar with the concept. 

** **

Kurogane tried a different way. “Your whole branch. They all have this?” 

** **

Fai looked down at his hand, opened his mouth, then closed it again. He seemed to think and then… “No. Also… Yes. You wait?” 

** **

Kurogane waved a hand, allowing it, frustrated, but knowing it was probably that much worse for Fai. Tomoyo pulled up a new window on the display, typing each component waveform equation into it. With each one, a sub screen displayed the wave it represented, the whole pattern changing as they were added together. With each addition, Fai also drew an oval on a diagram in mostly concentric but sometimes intersecting ways. By the time they were finished, Fai pointed at Tomoyo’s final wave happily, chattering away in his own language, then at his head.    
  
“I’m very glad you like it,” Tomoyo smiled. “This should be simple enough to construct. I’ll just need a look inside your signal generator to be able to set the amplitude.” When Fai hesitated, she tried again, pointing to the machine. “Look inside.” Fai frowned and she gave him a sympathetic expression. “I know that must make you nervous. It’s basically your life support, but I promised to be quick and careful.” 

** **

Fai looked to Kurogane who gave a little nod. Only then did Fai hit a hidden release, letting it slip off his skin and with utmost care manipulated it open for Tomoyo. She received it with equal reverence, sliding it under a magnifying lense and probing at it carefully with her tools. 

** **

As she worked, Fai waved Kurogane over, who protectively moved to his side. This kind of touching wasn’t deemed appropriate by their standards, but Tomoyo seemed too busy to care and Fai had a pretty constant habit of breaking their taboos for the sake of physical contact. 

  
So Kurogane ignored a lifetime of conditioning, and wrapped an arm around Fai’s side, helping him feel safe. He even closed his hand around Fai’s where the metal usually sat, hoping his grip could make it feel a little less naked. The seconds seemed to drag by and the tension grew the longer Tomoyo worked, becoming unbearable when she looked up at Fai, frowning.    
  
“What’s wrong?” Krogane snapped, feeling Fai going stiff in his arms. “You’re scaring him.” 

** **

“I’m sorry,” she seemed to shake herself out of it, quickly but carefully closing the device and handing it back to him gingerly. Fai took it and slipped it into place, activating it and breathing out a sigh of relief when it still worked. “It’s just…” she went on, “if those are the amplitudes he’s sensitive too, this whole ship should be giving him static.” 

** **

“But you can fix his device?” 

** **

“We don’t have compatible technology, but I can build him a new one before his current runs down. It will work just as well.” 

** **

Kurogane nodded, giving Fai a protectively squeeze and murmuring to him softly. “It’s okay. It will work. Everything is okay.” When Fai seemed to understand and relax, Kurogane went on. “What’s this static you’re talking about?” 

** **

“So instead of waves, imagine zigzags. Chaotic and irregular.” She reached out to show an example, and it true to her description, there was no apparent sense to it. “Basically all of our machinery gives it off. Some more and some less but… that can’t be good for his brain.” 

** **

Kurogane remembered the incident in the hallway from a few days ago. “Would the swords give off the static too?” 

** **

“Yes, absolutely. More than anything else we’ve got on the station probably. Why, did something happen?” Kurogane gave her a look and she just winced. “Best to avoid that in the future if you can help it.” 

** **

He sighed, rubbing Fai’s back and stealing a few sips of his drink, then putting it down with a little grimace. Fai made an annoyed noise about the stealing but he ignored it in favor of looking over Fai’s diagrams. “And what is this? A molecule?” 

** **

Fai looked at him for clarification. 

** **

“Tiny.” He lifted his fingers to pinch. “Microscopic.” 

** **

Fai shook his head, holding his hands wide. “Big. Very big.” 

** **

He heard Tomoyo gasp and his spine when cold in the very same moment. 

** **

“The waves,” she said, almost in a whisper. “They come from the surrounding orbits. Fai’s branch must have lost the ability to regulate their own brain patterns after evolving for so long in an environment that did if for them.” 

** **

“Fai…” Kurogane reached down, touching a dot on one of the rings that Fai had chosen to make a different color. “Is this your planet?” 

** **

* * *

** **

They had deleted the diagram right away. Tomoyo had done the same with the wavelength data as soon as she was finished working. But there were always backups in the main network drives. The point of Fai’s whole interrogation- The point of everything their whole branch did- was to find new planets they could collect supplies from. Pretty exclusively by force. The initial interrogation had been deemed a failure when Fai had refused to give up his homeworld coordinates. But now, with such carelessness, Fai hadn’t given them the address to his home, but a description of the exact orbits surrounding it and the wavelengths they gave off, was more or less giving them a map straight to it. 

** **

And nothing good ever happened to a planet they came to visit. 

** **

There was a chance that no one would ever review those files. Never run a search that called them into relevance. 

** **

But there was no guarantee. 

** **

Tomoyo was nervous when she came to deliver the new device for Fai, but tried to cover it with a forced cheerfulness Fai apparently fell for. There was nothing he could do, so what would be the point of worrying him? She had taken the liberty of forming the new device into a circlet that rested on his head, ends curled up next to his temple, more matching the aesthetic of his original robes than the more stark style of their own technology. It gave Fai the added option of leaving it on constantly, even without being touched. As an extra challenge, she had also figured out how to silence the noise the ship was exposing Fai to, emitting inverse waves from the static until it cancelled out, perfectly balanced by the time it hit Fai’s brain.

** **

The moment she activated this last feature, Fai seemed stunned, then after a few seconds, broke into tears, thanking her profusely. 

** **

Ever since then Fai had been so different. Himself but, more. Playful. Sharp. Intelligent. 

** **

Over the weeks, Kurogane calmed a little, more and more confident that they had somehow gotten away with it. That this might be his future, spending every moment getting closer and closer to the stranger from the stars, his planet safely in their rearview mirror as they searched for the next. 

** **

And he was loving every moment of it. 

** **

* * *

** **

“Harder! Kurogane! Please harder!” 

** **

The bruises Fai wore took on a new pattern these days. 

** **

“You want it?” he growled, low against his ear. “You think you can take me any deeper without breaking?” 

** **

“Yes!” Fai’s voice cracked around another wave of pleasure, naked back panting and sweaty beneath Kurogane. Fingers cyan knuckled as they gripped the sheets. “Yes, I can! Give me more!” 

** **

The skin of his hips, across his ass, was covered in purple that fit the shape of Kurogane’s hands. He bruised like a peach and Kurogane could still see the echo of the past dozen times he’d taken Fai like this. Could trace the scratches on his back and the bites on his shoulders. Speaking of which… 

** **

“Ahhh-!” Fai gasped as Kurgoane’s teeth sunk into the flesh at the crook of his neck, sucking hard as he drove his hips forward, sinking a few more thick inches into Fai in one firm thrust. “Mmm!” he whimpered, just on the edge of pain, head lolling to the side in the sheets as a constant stream of that foreign tongue flowed from his lips. 

** **

“Okay?” Kurogane growled against his ear, voice low and heavy like gravel. Fai nodded weakly and Krugoane pressed a chaste kiss to his jaw. “I’m going to fuck you now. I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to come in a shaking mess like you always do.” 

** **

“Please,” Fai gasped, pushing his hips back into him, grinding in encouragement. “Please, Kurogane. I need you.” 

** **

It didn’t last long. It never did, not that either of them seemed to mind when it felt this good. Kurogane held Fai down, firm but careful of his superior strength. Fucking him untill he was screaming his name in the starlight. Coming deep inside, then holding him like a possessive animal as their hearts stopped racing. Eventually he pulled out, falling to Fai’s side on his back, looking up at the ceiling as his breathing evened. Fai as always crawled onto his chest soon after, blissfully watching space float by, cheek resting just above Kurogane’s heartbeat.

** **

“Mmm…” 

** **

“Yeah,” Kurogane agreed, a hand going down to pet through his hair. Trace down his spine. “Really good.” 

** **

When he found the strength to, Fai crawled higher up his body, trading lingering kisses with Kurogane, groaning softly in enticing encouragement. 

** **

“Careful,” Kurogane murmured against his soft, warm lips, a hand massaging at Fai’s ass. “You’ll get me hard again.” 

** **

Fai just smiled, hips pressing down and into him. “Oh nooo~.” Despite the tease, (and the answering twitch in Kurogane’s cock) Fai did settle down a little after that, and it was clear that at least for the moment, he wanted a rest. 

** **

So they watched the stars. Silent but for their breathing and Kurogane’s heartbeat in Fai’s ear. After a while Fai reached out a hand vaguely towards his window. “What's the word for the feeling? Seeing the stars, but… scary?” 

** **

“Cosmic existential dread,” Kurogane answered without missing a beat. They were interstellar nomads. It was a feeling as basic for them as ‘sad’ or ‘angry’. 

** **

On his chest, Fai nodded, not yet motivated enough to try it himself. “We have a simpler word.” 

** **

“Oh? How does it translate?” 

** **

“It’s just, ‘Ahhhh!’” 

** **

Kurognae laughed under his breath, making Fai bob on his chest. It wasn’t so much the content, but the still sex-blissed tone that he delivered it in. “It’s to the point. Can’t fault you there. What do you do when it gets to be too much?” 

** **

“We listen,” Fai said quietly, touching his circlet at the temple. “This is the base of the song, but we make our own parts too. Harmonize and play melodies. You’re not alone as long as you can hear it.”

** **

Kurogane started petting Fai’s hair back, fixated on the way the light was catching his cheekbone. “We usually just close the blinds.” 

** **

This time Fai looked up, a grin on his face and patting Kurogane’s other pectoral. “Your branch has simple answers. This is also okay.” 

** **

* * *

**** ****   
  


And then, one day, it ended. 

** **

It was all mundane really. They were sitting together in the cafeteria, Fai chatting to what Kurogane supposed he could call his colleagues. They were laughing at some joke, Kurogane right along with them when his communicator buzzed. He was still smirking as he glanced down and his blood ran cold. 

** **

For almost a full minute he sat there frozen, the cheery atmosphere of the cafeteria flowing around him, impossible, prosaic, and cruel. “Kuro?” Fai eventually asked, nudging his side when no response came. “Kuro, are you okay?” 

** **

“Kendappa,” he said quietly, and the whole table fell to a hush. “I’ve been summoned.” 

** **

Fai looked around the table, on high alert now. “Kurogane. Is it serious?” 

** **

He looked up, glancing between his branchmates at the table. Some looked away. Others, the more brave of them, held his gaze, the look in their eyes commiserating, but not finding a word of comfort to offer. He forced himself to stand up, heart aching when Fai tried to follow. 

** **

“No,” he said, a gentle pressure on Fai’s shoulder to keep him seated. This was the first time they would be separated since his assignment all those months ago. “I have to go alone. If I take too long to come back, stay with-” but a glance around the table showed no one meeting his eye this time. His throat went dry. “Stay safe,” he finished grimly. 

** **

“Kuro. What’s wrong?” Then a quieter, more intimate whisper. “You’re scaring me.” 

** **

He could see how badly Fai wanted to follow, but they’d gotten by this far on him trusting when Kurogane put down a hard limit. Now was no different. 

** **

“It could be nothing,” he shrugged, the movement stiff and unnatural. “Maybe my suspension is getting lifted.” 

** **

He wanted so badly to bend down and kiss the worry off Fai’s face. 

** **

To kiss him goodbye, just in case. 

** **

But he knew all he could get away with in this room was a squeeze to Fai’s hand, subtle under the table. Then he had to step away, leaving Fai with a thousand questions, and a terrible fear in his eyes. 

** **

* * *

** **

“Ah, Kurogane.” When he arrived, Kendappa glanced to him almost as if bored, and Kurogane let himself take this as a good sign. Then she spoke louder to the entire command room. “Leave us.” And Kurogane’s heart plunged right back through his stomach as a handful of high ranking branchmates kept their eyes down and scurried away. 

** **

She let him stew in silence for a while, working on some document before dismissing the window from her worktop and finally approaching him, heavy boots crisp as they struck the hard floor and echoed off the bare, utilitarian surfaces of the room. Her long, black hair was smooth and perfect. Her eyes sharp as she looked him over. “You’re a lot less cocky than the last time I saw you.” 

** **

Kurogane hesitated, not sure if this was some sort of test, or if she was just playing with her prey before killing it. If it was the former, every possible answer seemed like the wrong one. Including this quickly stretching silence. “Just showing proper respect, General.” He did his best to keep any trace of sarcasm from his voice. 

** **

She just narrowed her eyes, neither smiling nor frowning. If she was planning to kill him, Kurogane felt as if he would die of a heart attack before she even had the chance to land a blow. It was infuriating. Degrading that she would hold him in this terrifying uncertainty. He almost wished for whatever was to come to come. Anything, even a death sentence, had to be better than this sick suspense. 

** **

She turned her back on him, slowly climbing back up the dias, where she sat in her command chair, swiveled to face him, legs crossed and hand resting thoughtfully against her chin. 

** **

The silence stretched. 

** **

And stretched. 

** **

“General, permission to-”

** **

“I know.” 

** **

Kurogane let out a shaky breath. He was dead. That was it. He was a dead man but at least now he knew how this would end. It was almost a relief. 

** **

His labored breathing felt so loud in the silence of the cavernous room. He swallowed, trying to get it under control. 

** **

Kendappa let him, staring dispassionately until he did.    
  
“I know you know. I know you tried to hide it. I know you’re fucking him and you think no one can tell.” 

** **

Kurogane just stared at her feet, the color draining from his face. Rage rose in his chest but the fear freezing like ice down his spine kept him still. He felt like he might throw up. 

** **

Up in her chair, she shifted, planting the soles of her feet and spreading her knees, rubbing her palms together before resting her elbows across them. She stared down at him, a small frown on her face. Expression considering him like something unpleasant she’d stepped in. 

** **

“I’ve killed people much more important to me over a lot less.” 

** **

“I know.” 

** **

He was there on the mission when she had returned and Souma had not. He knew what she did to any weakness, real or perceived. 

** **

She pressed her hands together, index fingers resting on her bottom lip as she thought. 

** **

Again the silence, gaping like a yawning cavern. And then, quietly, “I know you know.” 

** **

She stood suddenly and Kurogane flinched, forcing himself to stand up straight as she came down a few steps again, still making him look up as he regarded her. He avoided it as long as possible before meeting her lethal gaze. 

** **

She lunged with an impossible speed, and he closed his eyes and looked away. He could feel the radiant heat of her sword at his neck. Sense the purple glow even through his eyelids. 

** **

But the slice didn’t come. 

** **

He stood there a long time before he dared to open his eyes. Dared to swallow and try to force a breath down his tightly constricted throat. “What the Hell?” he whispered hoarsely. 

** **

Kendappa smiled. “ _ There’s _ the Kurogane I know.” She deactivated the sword, fixing the hilt to her belt. “Insolent and rude. I’m not going to kill you. I could. But I won’t.” 

** **

Kurogane looked up at her in disbelief and confusion, wary this was just another taunt.

** **

“Don’t get the wrong idea. This isn’t out of respect for the time we’ve trained together. Or the fondness my sister seems to have for you.” She frowned. “No, you are alive, because you’re still useful to me. Because I have a branch on the brink of starvation, and you have the key to our last hope of finding resources.” 

** **

Kurogane swallowed dryly. “There is always another planet.” In any other situation, he was sure talking back to this extent would get him killed, but if she was going to, surely that would have happened over the much more grievous mistake of trying to keep Fai’s homeworld from her in the first place. 

** **

“That’s not something I’m willing to gamble the fate of my branch on.” She walked past him, but Kurogane didn’t dare move to watch her. “Don’t be mistaken, Kurogane. This is no longer a question of where your loyalties lie. This is a matter of survival for you, and everyone else on this ship. Fai included.” 

** **

Kurogane closed his eyes for a moment, taking this all in as he tried to keep his breathing even. He didn’t doubt her words. He knew how thin their margins ran. He just… hadn’t realized this was one of those times. “Permission to speak?” 

** **

“Granted.” 

** **

“If you found the diagrams of Fai’s star system, what do you need me for?” 

** **

“Because, we have searched, and searched, and searched…” She started wandering closer, the sound of her boots thudding on the ground, her voice drawing more pointed. “And searched. “But,” Kurogane flinched as the voice came from just behind his ear and a hand grabbed the back of his neck, “we have found  _ nothing _ .” At last she sounded angry, each word spit out like a hiss. Her nails bit into his skin. “Why is that Kurogane? He had to come from  _ somewhere _ . And his ship isn’t built for warp travel, so you tell me.” 

** **

“I don’t know!” he rasped, breathing quickly. 

** **

She shoved forward and he stumbled, catching himself. Every reflex told him to fight back, but he tamped it down, looking back at her from over a shoulder. “You don’t,” she said, her face a mask of calm again. “But you will. You will do whatever you have to do to convince him to tell you.” She stepped closer again, not stopping this time until there were mere centimeters between them. “Or you will die. Fai will die. Tomoyo will die. We will all die, but you three will die first. Do I make myself clear?” 

** **

Kurogane nodded. “Yes. Yes, General.” 

** **

“Good,” she glanced over his face with a light expression of distaste. “Now get out of my command room.” 

** **

* * *

** **

When Kurogane returned to Fai’s room, he was immediately met with an armful of inconsolable blonde. He cried. Chattered in that strange language of his. Tried to stay calm enough to more than a few words out in Kurogane’s, but not to much success. 

** **

That was fine though. The intent was perfectly clear. 

** **

Caresses that spoke of desperation. Fear in clear blue eyes. Kisses that begged for a separation to never happen again. All sentiments he could barely feel through the sudden numbness of his heart. 

** **

“Fai! Fai calm down. Are you okay? Did anything happen to you.” 

** **

“No,” he shook his head, hands still moving all over Kurgoane, making sure he was whole and real. “I came straight home. I didn’t know where you went. What happened? Who is Kendappa?”

** **

“It was nothing,” Kurogane took Fai’s hand, kissing the palm where his device used to sit. “Just a false alarm.” 

** **

Fai finally seemed to take a breath, panic receding a few degrees, leaving a mind and body weak and exhausted in its place. He leaned forward, cuddling, his cheek resting on his chest by his heartbeat. “Don’t scare me like that again.” 

** **

Kurogane wrapped his arms around him, tucking his head under his chin. His face a mask of uncertainty now that Fai couldn’t see it and he didn’t have to pretend. 

** **

“It’s okay, Fai,” he lied, surprising himself at how real it sounded despite the hollowness in his chest. 

He could almost believe himself. 

“It’s all going to be okay.” 

**** ****   
  



End file.
